Memorial

I am writing this mostly as reference for the future. I should have done this two weeks ago while it was fresh in my mind, but I am still recalling details about the night in pieces from time to time. You'll have to excuse if it's all scattered and I may edit this often if I feel I missed something or the order of events is off. I'll jump right into the actual event instead of what I feel led up to it. Not sure if this will help bring me some peace but here goes.

The date was December 22nd, 2012. My then boyfriend, who I will simply refer as "D" for the rest of this post, and I were out of town for my friends wedding. I was doing photos for my friend so I stayed sober for the night. Not to mention, I was rather off put by drinking anyways as I saw D with a new bottle of wine every time I saw him. Part of me knew what I was going to deal with since it's happened many times before we moved to our current residence, where returning home after drinking was not an option.

One of my friends plus her boyfriend had there stuff in out hotel so I decided I just wanted to hitch a ride with them as they left early. D was getting out of hand really fast and was making a fool of himself at this small family wedding. When we arrive at the motel, D recalls that his keys are not on him, but infact in his car. My friend decided to go get them with her parents so we didn't have to illegally cram ourselves in the vehicle again. Besides, he continued to make an ass of himself infront of my friends parents on the extremely short ride to the hotel.

As they were leaving, he was acting like an idiot and shouting at the car, trying to run after them so I grabbed his arm and managed to get the hotel door slammed on my finger. I was pissed to begin with, yet being incredibly patient considering his actions. This just provided that extra push for me to finally snap and tell him to calm the fuck down. He instantly got really dramatic and dark. Like day and night really. He was accusing me of not loving him, and that everything was my decision(he was so drunk he couldn't even say decision)...really just over the top, unnecessary drama. I was attempting to calm him because honestly, we were standing outside of our hotel room and I was being embarrassed by my wasted boyfriend. Maybe 5 minutes pass of this and my friend/her parents come driving back up. As soon as they got out of the car, he switched back into the happy/annoying drunk. We said our goodbyes as they packed there stuff in the car and drove away. The second they were gone, before we even got in the door, he went dark again and was running his mouth on the same topics as before. I've been through this before, but in the past have yelled back at him. This time, I decided to remain quiet, or plead for him to just talk to me about it in the morning in hopes that he wouldn't escalate. But escalate is exactly what happened.

At first i was just sitting around as he continued to run his mouth. I decided to do as I usually do in this situation to calm myself, and I went to the bathroom to be alone. I prepared myself for bed and took quite awhile doing so. The entire time, D was still talking. I of course, was trying my best to ignore him. Finally, I was much calmer and decided to try and go to bed. I opened the door to see D standing right in the doorway. I assumed he was sitting on the bed the entire time...not standing infront of the door. Again, still talking in a negative manner. I tried to get past but he stood there blocking the door. I don't recall, but after some struggle I managed to get through. Probably via physical force because he was not being even remotely cooperative at this point. Or actually, he was not being cooperative since I was left alone with him.

After I got past him in the bathroom doorway, I just sat on the bed, ignoring him, staring at the wall. I recall D attempting to shut off the light and knocking over the lamp where it shattered on the ground. He kept trying to get close to me, trying to kiss me, climb on me, but I didn't want to be touched. I tried pushing him away several times, but he is much stronger then I. I was incredibly worked up again and was just sitting there as a big ball of anxiety, crying. Again, as a reminder, this whole time I was either quiet, or pleading him to stop, telling him we'd talk in the morning.

I finally kicked him off of me and stormed to the bathroom where I stood there, hyperventilating/crying by the sink. He followed me of course and got in my face. I don't remember exactly what happened here, but I was panicking and did whatever I could to get out of the tiny bathroom. I grabbed him by the throat and pushed him/clawed him a few times before I managed to get out. I told him that I might go see my parents since they were so close and spend the night there. That set him off on a whole new topic to be negative about. Now it was about me having supportive parents and how he had nothing growing up.

This is where I am confused about the whole timeline of this event. I know at some point I went back in the bathroom with my dog and sat on the floor, in the corner and held him in my chest and just bawled. I locked the door but apparently this hotel was even shittier then it looked, and he easily walked right in where he crouched down over me with his face in mine, like a predator. He yelled at me abit, telling me to "look at myself" like my reaction was absolutely ridiculous. Then he focused on my dog, trying to remove him from my arms. I guess it was a control thing because he knows I'll go where my dog goes. I pleaded with him, telling him that I needed the dog. I was upset, and the dog was really upset and that we just needed to be together to calm down. But he continued anyways, and tried physically ripping my dog from my arms. I was just...I can't even explain the emotions I had going through me. I've never experienced anything even close. I threatened to hit him if he didn't let my dog go, which he didn't. He kept claiming that the dog wasn't happy and that he should take him. Eventually I hit him. A few times. He wasn't even phased by it. He started screaming so hard at me, he was spitting in my face. The whole time, I'm am in a ball in the corner of the bathroom with him hovering above me, trapping me. I know he tried to take the dog again and I threatened to hit him again and he lost it and started punching himself in the side of the head and the chest. The rest of this bathroom incident is a tad blurry, but he eventually grabbed me by my arm and ankle and dragged me out of the bathroom. I kicked him off once I was outside the doorway, and stood up, shaking and he grabbed me and threw me on the bed. I got up right away and went for the touchpad to try and find my moms phone number in an email. I NEEDED to get out. I was trying to hide the touchpad and get the number quickly, meanwhile the whole time he's screaming at me about how I don't know how it's been for him and all his issues. He obviously noticed me using the touchpad and ripped it from my hands and threw it away from me where it bounced off the bed and fell between the wall and the bed on the floor. I begged with him, and pleaded, just telling him I wanted to go visit my parents. He screamed right in my face some more. He attempted to throw me on the bed a few more times and pulled me around by the wrist. He was very drunk so tossing me down didn't always work. I waited for him to move to the other side of the room and quickly snatched the touchpad and tried to find my parents number again. I found it and snuck over to a desk, where I typed the number into D's cellphone and hid it in my coat pocket(the phone was not activated but I figured it was the easiest option since I had no pen or paper). I guess somewhere during this I threatened to leave since I had my coat on already. Not sure when.

I had everything I needed. I had my coat and now all I needed was Jackson, my other dog who was in his crate this entire time.When I went to grab him, of course D pulled him from me and jumped on the bed and wouldn't let me take him. Again, I was just pleading with him to let me take him and that I was just going to visit my parents. I physically tried taking Jackson from D's arms but I didn't want to hurt Jackson and D wasn't letting up. I begged, and D yelled and eventually got up and let Jackson go. I tried to get him but D then went after Bleak so I snatched him up quickly again. D of course grabbed Jackson a second time and I tried getting him again. I was just praying that Jackson would turn into that little prick he could be and would bite him, HARD. But he didn't. He just looked freaked out.

During all this, whenever I threatened to leave, he blocked the exit so I couldn't. When he snatched Jackson back up, he laid back on the bed, holding him again and I had no choice but to to leave without Jackson. This absolutely broke my heart to do and I swear, it's was the hardest decision I have ever made. I didn't really think D would hurt him, but the chance was there and clearly D was not stable at all. It just..was so hard I can't even describe it.

As soon as I was outside, I saw a man walking to a started van. I considered asking him to call the cops if he had a cellphone, but my first instinct was to avoid strangers and just go to a public place. But of course, this was out of town and I had no idea where I was. I also didn't want to risk D coming after me and pulling me back to the room if I tried to navigate my way to a convenience store or something.. Again, he's much stronger then I. So I ran over to the van and told the driver to call the cops. I was a mess...shaking, hyperventilating, crying...

While the guy was on the phone with the police, D came out over to me and calmly and quietly told me "Don't do this". As fucked as this is, I felt immensely guilty as things were and that just put the sugar coating on it. Thinking about it after just made me feel like the biggest piece of shit, when really, I should not have felt that way. At all. 

So D eventually left and the police found him in his car, passed out. Once they managed to get him out, he went to jail overnight.

Meanwhile, I waited in the "waiting room" with the owner of the place and the guy who called the police. Thinking back afterwards, they were both incredibly insensitive pricks.

I talked to many police officers, then had to go back to the station to record my statement very thoroughly, like I've written this.

I do not know exactly how long the hotel incident went on, but my guess would be an hour. I left the wedding rather early, maybe around 10-11pm and called my parents afterwards around 11pm-12am. I was then at the station until 4am. So that's why I am guessing an hour. It felt like a very long time.

So, that's all of it. Maybe I will write about other stuff that isn't about the actual incident, but for now, I'll leave it at this.

Mah Pooches

Oh how I adore my dogs! Need proof? :D

I already posted a photo of this one, but this is after touch ups. I didn't think it could look any better then it did, but somehow he made it even more realistic! This one took four hours and then the touch up was about 30-40 minutes.

the colours have blended and toned down a tad now that it's completely healed.

 I just finally got Bleaks done last month! We had to split it up in two sitting though since I REALLY wanted to squeeze my appointment in with him before he moved. First session was about 2 hours. I think the second took about 3...maybe 2?

Here's after the first session.

<3

And after it was finished! It still is not healed though.

I'll get a better photo up once it's totally healed. :)

Manly mens

Men seem to have it hard when it comes to veganism/vegetarianism. I mean, ALL of us compassionate folks probably have it hard in certain ways. I have been harassed day after day at my old job. The funny thing is I usually don't tell people I'm vegan unless they ask or the topic comes up, That joke that goes something like "How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry. they'll tell you" is very false in my experience and among the other veggies I personally know. So anyways, at my job, they found out because they were teasing another girl for being vegetarian so I spoke up. After that, the lame jokes rolled in. I can definitely take a joke. I have a great sense of humor. However, there's only so much that I can laugh when it comes to a very serious issue, like animal welfare. If they were vegan too and we were making fun of ourselves, then cool. But these people who joke are the people allowing this massacre and abuse to carry on full force.

On the topic of jokes, my personal favorite is "how many meat eaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. they'd rather stay in the dark about things".

Anyways, I came here with the intent of writing about male troubles and went on about my own personal bullshit I've gone through. I just have one thing to say and it's about the one comment I am sure a majority of the veggie males get, and that is "Be a man! Eat meat!". So you identify your manliness with animal cruelty? What a tough man you are to let someone else do the dirty work for you! I can hardly contain myself from throwing myself at you naked....yeah, not. Grow some balls. Stand up for something once in your life that actually matters.


Annnnd that is all. Farewell for now and I am hoping to write up more about dog related stuffs tonight as well.

Dog training shiz

I've been reading alot about dog training for quite awhile now. One reason would be because I got my first dog almost three years ago. I am also in the process of picking out a trainer to help me with problems I can't seem to fix myself. So naturally, I am doing research. 

Ok, so here is my issue and I can't honestly believe people go for this when they know about all training methods. 

"Remember how happy you were if your parents gave you a dollar for every A on your report card? They made you want to do it again, right? That's positive reinforcement.
Dogs don't care about money. They care about praise … and food. Positive reinforcement training uses praise and/or treats to reward your dog for doing something you want him to do. Because the reward makes him more likely to repeat the behavior, positive reinforcement is one of your most powerful tools for shaping or changing your dog's behavior. "

So basically what positive reinforcement is is shoving treats down your dogs throat at every opportunity. I assure you from experience with my one extremely food motivated dog is that, sure, using treats does help then get what you want them to do. IN THAT MOMENT. So say I am working on the "sit/stay" commands with treats, my dogs is definitely going to do it. But if I go outside and I don't have treats, if he sees a squirrel, or even if there are no distractions, he's probably not going to listen to me unless I start waving food in his face.
 

"Remember how happy you were if your parents gave you a dollar for every A on your report card? They made you want to do it again, right??"

First of all, since when did that method work? I've been bribed with MANY things throughout school and it never guaranteed that I would do good. I did it when I wanted to, therefore all the control was coming from me. With my dogs, I don't want to bribe them into doing something. If I tell them to do something, it is for their safety and well being so they damn well better do it. Plain and simple. I don't want them to think "Oh, she doesn't have a treat? F^%k that" and that's exactly what happens.
 

I've been watching Cesar Millan and so many people say he's outdated and such and that dogs actually don't have a pack leader. Regardless of that, his methods clearly work. I have personally tried a few simple things with my dogs that he pointed out in his shows and I've seen immediate results.

"The aggressive manhandling of dogs as Cesar does doesn’t make the dog respect you, they just get scared."

Really? This person is referring to how he pins, "chokes", and "kicks" dogs. *facepalms* Everything he does is not in excess. So for example, he will use the lead to "snap" dogs back into focusing on him. So all he does is alittle, quick tug on the leash. It's equivalent to tapping someones shoulder to get their attention. Same with when he taps them on the side with his foot, or as some crazy people say, "kicking" the dog.

Another thing people need to remember. DOGS ARE NOT WOLVES. We have domesticated them and bred them over and over again to the point that they aren't even close to wolves. So saying that Cesars technique is wrong because wolves do this, or don't do that is just completely flawed.

I understand since "The Dog Whisperer" aired, most uneducated people who watch it think he's just the greatest thing in the world. But for other trainers to actually bash him? That's just ridiculous.

If you actually watch dogs interact, you will see that they don't "bribe" one another to get shit done. They demand it and if you don't do it, you get reprimanded. I think this is also an issue with kids these days(Oh geez, I sound so old. :P). People are too soft on them and now kids are running around all crazy causing all kinds of unpleasant shenanigans. When a mother dog sees her pup doing a unwanted behavior, she doesn't sit him done and say "that's a nono! No treats for you.". She snarls and snaps at the pup and says "Bitch. Stop that shit or else!". And guess what? Shit gets done real fast.

A comparison.

I just was just grooming up my two dogs and decided I'd make a post regarding something extremely important. Two words. DENTAL HYGIENE. Yes. I am telling you to brush your dogs teeth.

Click to see larger, more detailed image.

Bleak, on the left, has significantly better teeth than Jackson as you can clearly see. There is a one year age difference between the two. I highly doubt Bleaks teeth will look like Jacksons in a year though.

Ok, so onto what I actually do with them. I got Bleak as a puppy, however I did not start brushing his teeth regularly until he was just under a year old I believe. I did this so that I wasn't accidentally brushing while he was teething. If you do this, the dog will become bitter towards getting their mouths played around with since they associate it with pain.

Jackson I got back in April and he is four and I very highly doubt he has had his teeth bruushed. Since being with his new family, aka me, his teeth have not gotten worse and have improved abit. I will still need to take him into a vet to get them professionally cleaned. He may need to be put under, which is a pretty expensive procedure.

If dogs(and cats) had their teeth regularly cleaned, then we would save a shitton of money on vet fees. What people do not realize is that so many very serious health issues start with bad teeth. These can include heart and kidney desease(and failure). When growing up, my family had a dog and he died of kidney failure, which I believe was either caused by bad teeth or bad nutrition(but that's another topic).

The fact of the matter is that we are causing not only ourselves, but the animals that become part of our lives to be predestined to a huge increase of disease. :(

Love triangle...or triforce if you will

I forget how long ago, but I was on www.etsy.ca looking for vegan eyeshadows and came across not only vegan ones, but Zelda and Pokemon inspired shades! Zelda+Pokemon+Vegan= well...perfect. :D I hadn't had the cash at the time so I didn't get around to buying any until recently.

www.shirocosmetics.com

I just got my order in on Tuesday. I bought the following shades;

  

And I also got these two samples for free! Yay awesome!

I haven't used all of them all yet, other than swiping them on my hand, but I can say the colours are vibrant and gorgeous. Unfortunately, photos never truly justify the true intensity of an eyeshadow. Fo example, I don't think "Veran" looks anything like the photo. It's much prettier in person.

 The look above was done with "Midna" allover the lid and "Ganondorf" on the outer corners. I absolutely love these shades. The photo doesn't really show it, but "Ganondorf" is a black base, with red sheen, and "Midna" is a grey with aqua sheen. Such a gorgeous and creative mixture of colours. On my lips, I put a lip balm on first, then smudged "Hearts" over it to create a stain. I prefer it over any lipstick. But then again, I've never been a fan of lipsticks.

I look cross-eyed lolol

This above look, I smeared just some shimmery white over my lids and then put "Link" on the outer corners. You can't tell, but I added some "Ganondorf" just to darken the outer corners as well.

And this above look is my favorite so far. I've always liked red makeup the best. I find it brings out my eye colour, and just overall appeals the most to me. I combined "Hearts" and "Ganondorf" on the outer corners and smeared the shimmery white over the lid, same as the "Link" look.

Clearly all these shadows are very pretty....but do they last? YES! If you touch your lids alot, it will come off. You shouldn't be touching your face with your dirty ass fingers anyways so stop! >:c I have never used eye primer personally, but would think that intense shades like these would benefit from it.

That is all I have to say about this wonderful line of shadows. I will post more pics once I try more looks. :D BUY HER STUFF! :D  :D  :D

Another thing relating to this topic. I am seriously considering making my own vegan makeup line. It appeals to me in so many ways. I obviously love make up, for one. Veganism is a huge thing for me, so hopefully I will have close friends and family members trading in there usual animal tested drugstore makeup for my stuff. I also would really love to, and kinda need to work for myself, at home, and not have to deal directly with people. I plan on making shades based on things that I love. So things like movies, books, TV show, music....wiener dogs. :D I was obviously inspired by the makeup line shown above. I do not mean to copy her creations in any way.

I have alot of research to do.

A few words

First and foremost, I am running out of blog titles here. >:c

Secondly, I have fantasticly awesome blue hair.

Unfortunately, I had to cut like two thirds of it off thanks to damage from bleach. But I am happy with it. It takes minimal time to style, and since I wash it every three days now, it's just so much easier and looks better. I very rarely ever straightened my hair when it was long. I'd usually just throw it in a bun or something to get it out of the way since it took like 40 minutes to straighten and that was a daily thing. :/   Ideally, I'd like it longer then it is though. Methinks in a year, it will be perfect. Also, the blue does fade super fast, but that is due to the bleaching damage. My hair has a hard time holding colour where it took the most damage.

Moving on to the next topic...Bleak has been off his medicine for epilepsy for a couple weeks now with no recurrences. This thrills me of course. Both dogs are doing great. :)

:D

This is alittle random, but since it just happened, I feel the need to share. I just burned my thumb on the lentils I am cooking for the pooches. D:

Annnnnd last but not least! Voila!

This one speaks for itself. I got it done December 30th, 2011 by Daniel Fowler. I will get a better photo after touch ups in a couple weeks. It took almost four hours, three of which were quite unpleasant to say the least. I am getting the same thing on the other thigh, but of Bleak. I am hoping in a month or so I'll have the money....

And this brings me to the next subject;
I am now accepting donations. :D Please????