Thursday, January 24, 2013


I am writing this mostly as reference for the future. I should have done this two weeks ago while it was fresh in my mind, but I am still recalling details about the night in pieces from time to time. You'll have to excuse if it's all scattered and I may edit this often if I feel I missed something or the order of events is off. I'll jump right into the actual event instead of what I feel led up to it. Not sure if this will help bring me some peace but here goes.

The date was December 22nd, 2012. My then boyfriend, who I will simply refer as "D" for the rest of this post, and I were out of town for my friends wedding. I was doing photos for my friend so I stayed sober for the night. Not to mention, I was rather off put by drinking anyways as I saw D with a new bottle of wine every time I saw him. Part of me knew what I was going to deal with since it's happened many times before we moved to our current residence, where returning home after drinking was not an option.

One of my friends plus her boyfriend had there stuff in out hotel so I decided I just wanted to hitch a ride with them as they left early. D was getting out of hand really fast and was making a fool of himself at this small family wedding. When we arrive at the motel, D recalls that his keys are not on him, but infact in his car. My friend decided to go get them with her parents so we didn't have to illegally cram ourselves in the vehicle again. Besides, he continued to make an ass of himself infront of my friends parents on the extremely short ride to the hotel.

As they were leaving, he was acting like an idiot and shouting at the car, trying to run after them so I grabbed his arm and managed to get the hotel door slammed on my finger. I was pissed to begin with, yet being incredibly patient considering his actions. This just provided that extra push for me to finally snap and tell him to calm the fuck down. He instantly got really dramatic and dark. Like day and night really. He was accusing me of not loving him, and that everything was my decision(he was so drunk he couldn't even say decision)...really just over the top, unnecessary drama. I was attempting to calm him because honestly, we were standing outside of our hotel room and I was being embarrassed by my wasted boyfriend. Maybe 5 minutes pass of this and my friend/her parents come driving back up. As soon as they got out of the car, he switched back into the happy/annoying drunk. We said our goodbyes as they packed there stuff in the car and drove away. The second they were gone, before we even got in the door, he went dark again and was running his mouth on the same topics as before. I've been through this before, but in the past have yelled back at him. This time, I decided to remain quiet, or plead for him to just talk to me about it in the morning in hopes that he wouldn't escalate. But escalate is exactly what happened.

At first i was just sitting around as he continued to run his mouth. I decided to do as I usually do in this situation to calm myself, and I went to the bathroom to be alone. I prepared myself for bed and took quite awhile doing so. The entire time, D was still talking. I of course, was trying my best to ignore him. Finally, I was much calmer and decided to try and go to bed. I opened the door to see D standing right in the doorway. I assumed he was sitting on the bed the entire time...not standing infront of the door. Again, still talking in a negative manner. I tried to get past but he stood there blocking the door. I don't recall, but after some struggle I managed to get through. Probably via physical force because he was not being even remotely cooperative at this point. Or actually, he was not being cooperative since I was left alone with him.

After I got past him in the bathroom doorway, I just sat on the bed, ignoring him, staring at the wall. I recall D attempting to shut off the light and knocking over the lamp where it shattered on the ground. He kept trying to get close to me, trying to kiss me, climb on me, but I didn't want to be touched. I tried pushing him away several times, but he is much stronger then I. I was incredibly worked up again and was just sitting there as a big ball of anxiety, crying. Again, as a reminder, this whole time I was either quiet, or pleading him to stop, telling him we'd talk in the morning.

I finally kicked him off of me and stormed to the bathroom where I stood there, hyperventilating/crying by the sink. He followed me of course and got in my face. I don't remember exactly what happened here, but I was panicking and did whatever I could to get out of the tiny bathroom. I grabbed him by the throat and pushed him/clawed him a few times before I managed to get out. I told him that I might go see my parents since they were so close and spend the night there. That set him off on a whole new topic to be negative about. Now it was about me having supportive parents and how he had nothing growing up.

This is where I am confused about the whole timeline of this event. I know at some point I went back in the bathroom with my dog and sat on the floor, in the corner and held him in my chest and just bawled. I locked the door but apparently this hotel was even shittier then it looked, and he easily walked right in where he crouched down over me with his face in mine, like a predator. He yelled at me abit, telling me to "look at myself" like my reaction was absolutely ridiculous. Then he focused on my dog, trying to remove him from my arms. I guess it was a control thing because he knows I'll go where my dog goes. I pleaded with him, telling him that I needed the dog. I was upset, and the dog was really upset and that we just needed to be together to calm down. But he continued anyways, and tried physically ripping my dog from my arms. I was just...I can't even explain the emotions I had going through me. I've never experienced anything even close. I threatened to hit him if he didn't let my dog go, which he didn't. He kept claiming that the dog wasn't happy and that he should take him. Eventually I hit him. A few times. He wasn't even phased by it. He started screaming so hard at me, he was spitting in my face. The whole time, I'm am in a ball in the corner of the bathroom with him hovering above me, trapping me. I know he tried to take the dog again and I threatened to hit him again and he lost it and started punching himself in the side of the head and the chest. The rest of this bathroom incident is a tad blurry, but he eventually grabbed me by my arm and ankle and dragged me out of the bathroom. I kicked him off once I was outside the doorway, and stood up, shaking and he grabbed me and threw me on the bed. I got up right away and went for the touchpad to try and find my moms phone number in an email. I NEEDED to get out. I was trying to hide the touchpad and get the number quickly, meanwhile the whole time he's screaming at me about how I don't know how it's been for him and all his issues. He obviously noticed me using the touchpad and ripped it from my hands and threw it away from me where it bounced off the bed and fell between the wall and the bed on the floor. I begged with him, and pleaded, just telling him I wanted to go visit my parents. He screamed right in my face some more. He attempted to throw me on the bed a few more times and pulled me around by the wrist. He was very drunk so tossing me down didn't always work. I waited for him to move to the other side of the room and quickly snatched the touchpad and tried to find my parents number again. I found it and snuck over to a desk, where I typed the number into D's cellphone and hid it in my coat pocket(the phone was not activated but I figured it was the easiest option since I had no pen or paper). I guess somewhere during this I threatened to leave since I had my coat on already. Not sure when.

I had everything I needed. I had my coat and now all I needed was Jackson, my other dog who was in his crate this entire time.When I went to grab him, of course D pulled him from me and jumped on the bed and wouldn't let me take him. Again, I was just pleading with him to let me take him and that I was just going to visit my parents. I physically tried taking Jackson from D's arms but I didn't want to hurt Jackson and D wasn't letting up. I begged, and D yelled and eventually got up and let Jackson go. I tried to get him but D then went after Bleak so I snatched him up quickly again. D of course grabbed Jackson a second time and I tried getting him again. I was just praying that Jackson would turn into that little prick he could be and would bite him, HARD. But he didn't. He just looked freaked out.

During all this, whenever I threatened to leave, he blocked the exit so I couldn't. When he snatched Jackson back up, he laid back on the bed, holding him again and I had no choice but to to leave without Jackson. This absolutely broke my heart to do and I swear, it's was the hardest decision I have ever made. I didn't really think D would hurt him, but the chance was there and clearly D was not stable at all. It just..was so hard I can't even describe it.

As soon as I was outside, I saw a man walking to a started van. I considered asking him to call the cops if he had a cellphone, but my first instinct was to avoid strangers and just go to a public place. But of course, this was out of town and I had no idea where I was. I also didn't want to risk D coming after me and pulling me back to the room if I tried to navigate my way to a convenience store or something.. Again, he's much stronger then I. So I ran over to the van and told the driver to call the cops. I was a mess...shaking, hyperventilating, crying...

While the guy was on the phone with the police, D came out over to me and calmly and quietly told me "Don't do this". As fucked as this is, I felt immensely guilty as things were and that just put the sugar coating on it. Thinking about it after just made me feel like the biggest piece of shit, when really, I should not have felt that way. At all. 

So D eventually left and the police found him in his car, passed out. Once they managed to get him out, he went to jail overnight.

Meanwhile, I waited in the "waiting room" with the owner of the place and the guy who called the police. Thinking back afterwards, they were both incredibly insensitive pricks.

I talked to many police officers, then had to go back to the station to record my statement very thoroughly, like I've written this.

I do not know exactly how long the hotel incident went on, but my guess would be an hour. I left the wedding rather early, maybe around 10-11pm and called my parents afterwards around 11pm-12am. I was then at the station until 4am. So that's why I am guessing an hour. It felt like a very long time.

So, that's all of it. Maybe I will write about other stuff that isn't about the actual incident, but for now, I'll leave it at this.