Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Insomnia...

Can't sleep. I randomly started thinking about something whilst lying in bed and it has left me restless. I had pointed out in a previous post about how I've felt distant around my friends. "It seems to bother me alot now that my friends, some I've had since the beginning of school pretty much, are the same as the people I rant about every day. I feel distant from them and not just cause I moved. *sigh*"

It's just, I feel totally different around them. Like I'm always on edge. I was with one friend recently and she particularly has no consideration whatsoever, which is bizarre to me since she is an animal lover. For example, we'll be eating and she'll be talking about how good the beef she's eating tastes...or how she went out to dinner the other night and got *insert a bunch of tortured animal bits here* and how it was awesome. I just don't get it. Does she think I'm going to feel joy that she very briefly enjoyed the passing of animal flesh over her tastebuds?

She even asked me to have my mom pick up milk for her. I did it. I feel like scum. I know I'm not consuming it, but even being a part of something involving animal products disgusts me more then anyone can even imagine. I feel such guilt.

My point about her asking me to get her milk...does the thought not even cross her mind that maybe I would not like that? I don't know. I think if she'd be willing to expose herself to what's really going on in factory farming, she'd be more considerate. But no. Her eyes remain shut. Even though I know she is well aware that what happens in order to get her that "delicious" cheese is not pretty.

She once said that just because you eat/use animals products doesn't mean you don't care about animals. This has some truth, however allowing yourself to be blissfully unaware is not ok and never will be. It's like people who actually care but won't take the leap into veganism act like they have a disability or have some sorta disease and can't physically do it. I did it. What makes me so fucking special?? "But I couldn't give up burgers"(This is of course said in a sympathetic tone as if I'm supposed to be understanding). I love food. I'm a raging chocoholic...not to mention I love other junk food desserts(cheesecake to name one!). I knew that it's is not worth having a living creature brutally tortured just for me to sit on my fat ass and indulge in something that lasts no more then a few moments. I shop at regular grocery stores. I see these things I once craved(and still do when I see them), and I walk away from them. It's not worth it. Not even close.

Fyi, I went six months without chocolate. I couldn't even go 6 hours before. I only recently have eaten it again due to the fact that vegan options are way more readily available than where I previously lived(I live like a 2 minute walk from a vegan restaurant :D)

Back to what I was saying before; I love food. It's not like I never cared for it so it made it easier to give up dairy, egg, and meat. I can honestly say I love eating more then ever now as a vegan. I have been opened up to way more variety in food, and such amazing tastes. Guilt free. It's actually fun grocery shopping and cooking, trying to recreate a traditional non-vegan dish, or coming up with something completely different. Veganism is an art. Or at least I think so.

Just want to point out some foods that taste or look like animal products that I have recently discovered. Oyster mushrooms look and have the texture of chicken. Artichokes are very much so like fish, texture wise. Portobello mushrooms have a very meaty, beef-like taste. Mushrooms in general are a very good alternative to meat.

Back to the whole friend issues...I feel very bad for speaking poorly of this one friend in particular, but why should I accept that she lives a life supportive of cruelty and condemn others for it? It's cruel, selfish and wrong. And this is not a matter of opinion. Cruelty to animals(or any living being) is wrong.

As I posted in my previous blog, next month is Vegetarian Awareness month so I am going to push stuff on my friends. If it's to no avail, I honestly have no idea what to do...


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